7Sep14RI, My Mind
The change up that I've been walking around marvelling about is the consistency with which I am aware that, in spite of apparencies, all is "self-to-self". I feel a resentment towards someone? I realize it is me against me, and I see an incident from the past before there were bodies or much matter. I wanted to create a persistent dream so I had to create a split, thus the barrier as described above. I rail against the barrier and then I gnaw on myself too and have carried these non-life inclinations all the way to present time. Yes, there were also the life goals of To Know and To be Known on this playing field, but the consideration of force entered into it early on and I could only operate on a limited basis as long as the ancient self-destructive postulates went uresolved.
I see a wall or barrier somehow composed of the postulates "must not know/must not be known," and a lot of feelings, emotions, and thoughts associated with that. I am on both sides of that wall, however I don't know that, and that is the purpose, and I did it.
I have been moving that incident around, 6-directions to reveal more of what occurred there and thus to get my attention on it unfixed. This has resulted in my everyday viewpoint that all interactions are unreal, in that my reactive mind (which got formed on the basis of that program set of must not know/must not be known) wants to make others the cause of any discomfort, and truly the discomfort is with myself -- self to sef -- and what I decided to do with myself and from the viewpoint of the being who can know only what is on one side of the wall or barrier.
I gave up the viewpoint of the creator ("creator" became a "not me") and now I am slowly regaining that viewpoint too. Instead of the snake biting its tail or the scorpion blindly stinging itself there is an increased measure of awareness of how this playing field was created and, more importantly, that it was I, in the first place, who did it.
When I look at others I see "I" more and more than before. I still get mind chatter and incidents and every phenomenon that attends that, but more and more I can stop and sit while I track it back to that primal incident. The idea of "not self" is now for me only one side of the story.
When you can take on the creator viewpoint the interactions on this playing field do become more amazing and wondrous because it is all you -- entertaining yourself -- from that viewpoint and you are able to be more detached, but as long as the "wall" is there, both viewpoints can be valid, and I dare not say more because I would be getting beyond myself at this stage.
So the prime objective is to "take down the wall" (Pink Floyd), more accurately to be able to take it down or put it up -- unlimited ability. As long as I am limiting myself from knowing that I am the one who created this universe -- oh, there is the other postulate that I can only know things that have been brought into existence to be known in this particular universe..... I did it to myself. We are all cast from the same "creator", and we are all that same creator is what I am ticklishly aware of.
As Niz would say (Nisargadatta), "that's not IT!" I agree, and I do need to get back to my work. I have known myself to get stuck in a more pleasant state and not want to move on.